Cop Killaz & Kid Killerz

I am sick reading about all of these officers being shot. There were 2 officers killed on Sunday after responding to a suspicious car in a grocery story parking lot. It makes me ill. I don't understand how anyone can kill anyone, other than just losing it and snapping. That said, I get, but still, I can't comprehend killing anyone... even though I have been on the verge of snapping myself... thought things that are crazy... 

So, I guess I can understand, but not... I get the whole "snap" and then shit goes down. That's how it happens, I think... it's a moment where you're just done and you lose it and really bad stuff happens... I think that if people just had 5 minutes of lucidity right before or during their breaking point, it'd be different.

What went down in Newtown... being a teacher here in KC and a parent of school-aged children... I do not get. How do you walk into a school and kill kids? We are talking an adult who walked into a school and killed 20 children. Now, if he'd just gone in and done that to adults, I would still have an issue, of course... but kids?! WTF?! If you had an issue with adults in the school and went to do them in, okay (not okay, but... okay). But the kids??? How in the hell do you walk in and kill an entire class of children?! It's an understatement to say that I feel for the families of all those who lost children, family, etc. 

Schools are "weapon free" zones... how do you suppose educators are to protect themselves and their students? We are to lock ourselves and students in a classroom and wait for the Police to get there. You never know how long it'll take for Police presence to arrive. I'd carry in a school, but it is a federal crime, so, what do we do?

Anyway, I'm reeling...

If I wasn't such a fucking coward...

Random Beginning

I often wonder, and even start off writing by questioning who would care to read about my life or thoughts.  But then again, how many people write books about their lives that people read?  A vast number.  What makes someone want to read about someone else’s life?  Why doesn’t everyone write about their lives for someone else to read?  I never know where to start and feel like I have to start at the beginning and work my way to the present.  Who wants to read something out of sorts?  Does it really matter?  Do I start from the present and work my way backwards or do I just write as it comes, sort it out later, or leave it the way it comes out?  People read books about self-help or about people they’re interested in.  What’s the point of writing about my life anyway?  Catharsis?  To help someone else?  Boredom?  Because I think I have something to say or that I am special?  Does it even matter?